Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
