Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
