idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
