Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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