dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
