at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
