forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
