He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
