life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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