Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize