I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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