I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
