I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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