I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
