Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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