omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just cropdusted the office
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize