I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
