It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
