we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
