Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
