I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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