he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
