did you get engaged???
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
