awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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