Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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