I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
