Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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