You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
