Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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