Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
