the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
