I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
