And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
