I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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