I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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