She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
