The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
