I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
