Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
