P.S. I can't hear my feet
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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