We're facebook friends in real life
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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