oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
