It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
