Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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