im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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