he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it glows. i had to have it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize