I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
