On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
