ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
