OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
