We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
There's even glitter on my cock...
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