the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
