it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
