i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and she was petting her beer can
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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