Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
