i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He better not be in your backpack
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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