Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
