I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
