dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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