Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
even my farts smell like vagina
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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