The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize