11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
farters have to be the big spoon...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
