I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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