she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
