And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
