Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
